Monday, November 24, 2008

Failure and Redemption

In case you were wondering I'm at my aunt and uncle's place in Keller, Texas.  There's some college basketball playing in the background, with the smell of my aunt's cooking wafting upstairs.  But most importantly right now, my cousin is playing the old Blessed Assurance hymn on the piano.

There's something about hearing the old hymns being played on a good old piano that tugs me back to simpler times, before I became "aware" of the rest of the outside world.  Back when I thought that people were basically good with a few flaws here and there.  When my only worry was whether or not to play Lego's once I got home.

On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand now....

Now years later, I know that life is difficult.  I have and will make mistakes.  Many more mistakes.

Lord Prepare Me to be a Sanctuary now...

To me, it's amazing that my cousin is playing those hymns, as she was one who has recently turned to and fallen on some hard times; the details of which I won't go into.  Suffice to say that, hearing her play these songs, helps me to believe that there is still something soft and sweet somewhere deep inside her.  Something that has endured in spite of the efforts of the outside world and her own rebellions to kill it.  Something that keeps alive the hope of future Redemption.

Hopefully, I'm not being naieve in that assuption.  She's playing a piece now that I don't recognize.  Not any less beautiful though...

Failures and Redemptions have been on my mind today.  Recent and past.  Minor and Major.  Physical and Spiritual.  I hate that depressing sense of failure and naturally love the uplifting of redemption.  My problem arises from living in a recurring cycle of failure over the same things and never changing the situation.  Or at best paying lip service to change and immediately falling flat on my face.  Never changing.  Never lasting.  And I hate it.

Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. - Thomas A Kempis

I can't do it on my own.  And I'm so tired of trying.

It's time I lived this conviction.  It's time for a change.

1 comment:

Shannon Kelly said...

very honest and great blog. I really needed to hear that message. esp the quote from Thomas.